January 14th
Yesterday was emotionally draining. I am not going to get into the details of what happened. I'll keep it short and to the point...my father is crazy. I got fed up with him and tried to put him in his place. While I was resonding back to his email I thought of what I wanted to write. I didn't put down in words what I really wanted to say, instead I nicely told him what I have been thinking, with apologizing a couple of times. Now looking back at what had happened, I should have not send anything at all. But really, why do I act like I have a backbone and then become a coward? People think I am strong willed and will not stand for anyone's bullshit. In all reality, I all I want is for people to like me. What the heck???
This has happened before. I get the balls to tell someone how I feel...then opps that tough bitch everyone thinks I am cowards down and looses her backbone. The problem boils down to me being liked. I hate it when someone is mad at me. I even hate it even more when someone doesn't like me. Yesterday was a result of saying, heck with it...I am going to defend my siblings and if you don't like it, oh well!
This is another goal I am going to work on this year. Like all of my goals this year, they are going to be very challenging. I need to stand my ground. I am not going to change my opinion because someone doesn't agree with me. The backbone will not magically disappear when a tough situation comes into place; whether it be in my personal life or in my career.
But life is easier when I keep my mouth shut. Before yesterday, I just tell each party to apologize. I don't know, I am so confused. I'll figure this out soon. It's easy to be liked, but I want to be respected.
Anyways, I dont' want you to think my life is in shambles. In fact I have a great life, minus this hiccup. I need to focus on my children and husband. I hope you all have a FABULOUS weekend. I know I am going try and NOT dwell on what happened.
BTW, I stuck to my goals yesterday. I watched, (if you count it as TV) a half hour of the Upside Down Show (Nick Jr) and I think 5 minutes of the office. This weekend will consist of wrestling tournaments, running and finding some time in my schedule to catch up on ABC's Wednesday night shows and NBC's Thursday night shows. This should be Saturday night, since my husband is going out with the boys. And I am going out with the girls tonight.
Ladies, thanks for reading this fat girls blog, yawn...where's the redbull?
Goals for today
**Zumba--check
**200 sit ups/30 push ups
**Focus on my family
**Don't stress over yesterday's events---the hardest of them all.
**Look fabulous tonight
The Fat Girl and Her Goals
Melanie, you've got the same syndrome as many of us. Doesn't make you less strong...just more human! You'll be super gorgeous tonight & have a wonderful time! You are a gem!
ReplyDeleteMelanie you are one tough woman. It is the hardest thing to tell someone, especially your father how he has hurt you. It's hard to tell anyone when you disagree with them. It's something that takes practice with small situations. Don't be afraid to confront situations when the heat is gone. In fact, you're being very wise to not react when you feel hot because you may say things that you don't mean. When i need to say something that I feel another person may not like, I usually start with a compliment. I'm not saying you have to lie to them but if you find something positive to say first, it's usually easier to let someone know how they hurt you. You are a feisty thing! Don't let your doubts about yourself lie to you! You are tough!
ReplyDeleteMelanie, I think every woman feels or has felt like you. We are raised, even if our mothers didn't intend to, to be people pleasers, to be everyone's hero, and to not rock the boat. Society is the biggest culprit in most situations. T is right, not reacting when you're all pissed off is the best way. Sit back, process it and then epress how you feel. I try to come from a place of "when you say that it hurts me" Or "when you do that it makes me feel like this..." If people aren't willing to talk to you about things, they'll avoid it, and you'll know it's not productive to have an honest conversation with them. Lastly, my Father gave me some wise words to live by when I was only 8 years old, I was sad because some kids at school were mean and wouldn't be my friends he told me "April, not everyone is always going to like you or want to be your friends, and that's okay, they can go fuck themselves." :)
ReplyDeleteWords to live by!
It's true, we all want people to like us and we tend to try to please those that don't. For what? We really gain nothing out of it but fakeness right? When I'm in a situation where I need to tell someone how I feel and cannot do it, or better yet, shouldn't do it, I write it all down, EVERYTHING and then either shred the paper or burn it. You'll be surprised at the relief you feel after doing this. Keep you chin up because you are a strong woman...
ReplyDelete