February 15th
Today's post will not be like any other. Yesterday I lost my grandmother. My last surviving grandparent has left this earth. This was my Grandma Sanchez, my dad's mother. This blog will be dedicated to her. She was a strong woman, a survivor. She was only one of the many women in my life that have taught me to be who I am. There is a lot I would like to express in this blog.
I would be lying to you if I said I broke down and cried. I didn't. I am very sad. My sadness is for some many different things. I am sad that I was never as close to her as I should have been. I regret that I didn't have a the same special bond with her as I did my Nana. I was by Nana's side every day the last week of her life. My Grandma, I saw maybe a handful times last year and once this year. I am sad to know that there are some family members that don't get along. I am sad for my two aunts that took great care for her. Especially my one aunt that was her care taker the last few years of Grandma's life. I am sad for my Dad. If he didn't act like a complete jerk to his siblings, he probably wouldn't feel like he did last night. (I really can't tell you how he felt. It was more like uncomfortable, sad, and regretful.) Yes, I think I am a psychic. I am sorry for my Mom, even though my parents have been divorced for over 20 years my Mom loved my Grandma. She helped us out when my parents divorced. I am sad for my cousins that were close to her. These four cousins of mine loved her as much as they loved their dear mother. The same lady that took great care of her. I am so sorry, that I will never have the same stories to share with my kids as they will with theirs.
I mentioned my Grandmother's strength. She had 12 children, 12!! That's 6x more than me. She survived brain cancer, losing her husband, and two sons. I may have not been close with her, indirectly I have learned to be a strong woman from her. She went through a lot in her life. She loved her faith. Not another person would have been as a strong believer in our Lord above, than her. I know when she passed, there was no time wasted for her to get into heaven. My last visit with her, she had asked me if my Nana waited a long time too. She was ready to leave this earth for a while, but God wasn't ready for my Grandma until yesterday.
My Grandma passed exactly one year after her sister. Her sister died on Valentines Day 2010. I guess they were that close. I love her and pray for my family, especially my aunts, uncles and Dad. I am sorry that I was not the best granddaughter I could have been. I love you Grandma!
I don't have anymore Grandparents and my husband doesn't either. This has made me realize, I am no longer a kid. I will not have my children feel this pain or regret when they are my age. I will make sure they are equally close to each grandparent they have, even my crazy father. I don't want them to have this same feeling when they are adults. I want them to be grateful for the time and experiences they shared with ALL their grandparents.
Ladies, I hope you have a great day. Let's go team!
The Fat Girls and Her Goals
PS--I was putting Jan instead of Feb...dummy!
Mel, sorry to hear about your Grandmother's passing. I know she knows that you loved her much and appreciates that you have some of her strength. Don't be too hard on yourself. You've already made amends by stating you'll do better. 3 CHEERS³ to you Ms. January! :-)
ReplyDeleteMel, this blog moved me so much. I am so sorry for your loss. I made the same decision that if I ever have kids I will give them the chance to have realtionships with both sets of grandparents equally. I was lucky enough to have this growing up, but my brother who is 10 years younger than me, doesn't remember my Mom's parents, and that breaks my heart, because I know they LOVED him so. Your Grandma knows how you feel, and loves you for being honest and loving. You're an amazing woman.
ReplyDeletexoxo Gallant